Friday, March 23, 2012

Driving away

Here I sit.

Quiet house.

No baby, no Koreans, no husband.

Just me and God.


Out of the past 382 days, I have spent a total of 1 night away from my baby, and never more than 24 hours.
I have held her little sniffling frame in the dead of night, and fallen asleep with her lying on my chest.
I have loved her more than life -- she is the best thing I've ever done.

 And today, I drove away from her; leaving her for what seems like an eternity,
but is really only 9 days. It was a good thing Bryan was driving, because, yes I cried.
I knew she would be fine, I just miss her already.

I'm never home alone.
I'm always home with Cayden.




Sometimes I complain about that -- being "stuck" at home while other fun things are happening. Then I remember, these are the days I will never get back with her.

Sometimes God calls us to rely fully on him....actually, he always calls us to rely fully on him. 
Sometimes we actually DO IT. 
The world is so much bigger than my little home and my little baby.
The world is full of people's babies, who need to hear about the love of Jesus.
That is why I must leave my baby for a meager 9 days. 
Because there are more important things in life than my baby.
 -- and that's not an easy thing to say -- 


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

12 Month Stats

Weight: 20 pounds, 9 oz (61st percentile)
Height: 30 3/4 inches (93rd percentile)
Head circumference: 47.2 cm (95th percentile)

 I started packing today for our trip to Peru.

 Apparently, Cayden wants to come too.
On Saturday, we had a joint birthday party for Cayden and her third cousin, Jamin.
 Mrs. Ha was kind enough to make a cute "Number 1" cake for her. 
It even had a picture of her in pigtails made with icing!
We had burgers and hot dogs, 
and Cayden got to play with her other 3rd cousin,
Bryer....he already weighs as much as Cayden and he's only 6 months old!

 Cayden got bubbles from aunt Nellie!
 This is from earlier this week, when we had some beautiful weather. 
We went to have coffee with Daddy and went on the swings at church.
 She was having fun playing with her little friend Violet.....
 Then it got a little scary!
 They found a lady bug and proceeded to smash it because
Violet is very afraid of lady bugs.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl

For the first time in three years, I am not spending March 7 in the hospital. 
March 7, 2010 was the worst day. 
March 7, 2011 was the best day. 
March 7, 2012 was today, and it just keeps getting better.
The year before Cayden's birth, March 7 was a day I would rather forget;
 a day of head-in-my-hands heartache 
-- the day I miscarried our first child.
 I think God knew how hard it would have been to live through another March 7 with empty arms because I went into labor at 3 a.m. March 7, 2011 and Cayden finally arrived at 8:03 p.m. 
People who don’t believe in God call situations such as these “coincidence” or “ironic.” 
I call Cayden’s birth on March 7 a redeeming gift from God…and His timing is perfect.   
Today, our little gift from God turned 1. 
This picture makes me laugh!
 For some reason she reminds me of one of the Indians in Peter Pan!
Cayden had an early birthday party last Saturday. We had about 30 friends and family to Bryan's parents' house to celebrate. Below are the Lute girls helping Cayden open her presents. 

 Here are all the girls! Cayden, Eden, Isla and Kylie. 
These girls are gonna be great friends.
 Here is Cayden eyeing her cake that I made.
 It was a special not-so-sugary cake with fruit polka dots....
 It quickly became a not-so-sugary mound of mangled cake and frosting in Cayden's belly.

 Here's a pic of Cayden walking yesterday....I realized I didn't have any pics of her actually taking steps. She is now basically running all over the place. It's pretty dangerous when she's sleepy though because she turns into a tottering battering ram.
 Here's her new Beaver's jersey she got from the Bartruffs. She was really excited about it!!
Also today, Cayden watched daddy mow the grass. 

Very exciting for both her and Macie.

Dear Cayden,
You are the best thing I have ever done, and the most precious gift I've ever been given.
I knew you before you could breathe.
I knew you before your scream had air.
I knew you before you had a name.
I knew you before you had eyelashes and a milky chin.
I knew you before your hands had dimples,
but He knew you before.


“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future…” Jeremiah 29:11