I had a baby girl last Tuesday. There was no pushing. No pain. No first cry. I had baby girl last Tuesday, 174 days too early. For nearly 15 weeks, she was ours. We wondered if she was a boy or a girl. I dreamt up new names. I gained 5 pounds for her. I resisted extra caffeine, snuck in naps, and even made Mother’s Day coffee mugs bearing a picture of her 10-week-old ultrasound silhouette as gifts for her grandmas. My mom hollered when she saw the picture, which foretold that her 3 rd grandchild was due the day before Thanksgiving. Then, just a week later, I wept listening to my sweet mother sing to my sweet, breathless 1.5 ounce girl “your little tiny hands, and your little tiny feet…” How does this happen? How does a baby somersaulting in an ultrasound at 10 weeks now lie there perfectly formed, but without a heartbeat just a month later? -------------------------- “Let’s listen to baby,” nurse Glenda told me after taking my blood ...
This post is a bit late, but I've been swamped at work, so better late than never. So going back 6 months, my mom's dog had puppies. Each of the 12 pups sold for $400 or more, and my parents named them after what they wanted to buy with that specific $400. For instance, one was named Sony, to fund a new TV for their house. Another was named Blaze. The money made when Blaze sold (for $800) went to buying Blazer tickets for our family. My parents bought ten 200 level tickets for the last game of the Blazer's season, against the Denver Nuggets (April 15). So last Wednesday, we piled into the family van, stopped at Jackie and Ed's (Tigard) for dinner and then went to the game. Who went? My parents, Uncle Ed, Bryan and I, Steven, Shane, my cousins Jacob and Blake and Blake's girlfriend Ashley. My mom painted Jacob's face and I painted Shane's, and we all had a great time cheering on the Blazers to a near-30-point victory. The only mild annoyance to our happiness ...
I know this post is late, but that’s how it is. I don’t write things just to write them. I don’t like to be rushed. I don’t like expectations. So, this morning, two days after my daughter’s birthday, I am finally sitting down (in my bathrobe of course) with my lukewarm coffee and a sleeping baby upstairs, to write. Sometimes it feels like there’s nothing more to say. But then, there is. Because Hallelujah’s story is just beginning. This has been quite the week. Fifth & Jackson is the last place we set eyes on our baby’s sweet face and that is the place Bryan walked into this past Friday to perform a funeral. Just before stepping into that service, he found out that a pregnant couple from church had gone to their prenatal appointment and found that their baby girl had no heartbeat. The sorrow is just so real and close and breathtaking all over again. This past year has taught me a few things: 1. As much as Tucker has been a healing weight to our empty arms, he doesn’t fix the ...
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